The Journey Begins

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Well hello there, I am glad you have decided to join me. I have decided to start this blog as a journal to help myself and others who maybe battling something that I am finding many people experience but not many people are willing to talk about. For so many years there’s been a stigma associated with mental illness that no one really wants to talk about, but I am here to not only talk about it but be extremely transparent in my journey to conquer this disease. For starters I will give you a quick introduction. I am Katie, I am a 35 year old single mom from Texas. I have one daughter and I am a nurse. I recently discovered that I suffer from not only ADHD but anxiety. I say recently because I had never been diagnosed with anxiety and I never even really knew what I was experiencing was anxiety until about 6 months ago. I met a guy and got in to a relationship and as he got to know me, one day out of the blue he said you have really bad anxiety, and I think you should get some help. Which then lead to a discussion between us on why he thought I had anxiety, he explained that my constant worry about everything from my job, to my kid to making a purchase was far more than just regular worry, it was consuming me. I took his advise and kind of set it in the back of my brain and went on with my life. Until a few weeks down the road when I called him in a panic, I had been out shopping at Ulta on a Sunday afternoon, and I was almost in tears when I called him because I had to leave the store, I was convinced that someone was going to kidnap me. I had no idea who, or when it was going to happen but I was terrified that something bad was going to happen to me. I continued to talk to my boyfriend and he begged me to go see a doctor because he was worried about my fear of something bad happening to me. This was just the tip of the iceberg for my anxiety diagnosis. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist that next Monday and I had about a week before my appointment. In the time between my making of the appointment and the actual appoitnment I thought of a million scenarios that I might encounter when I went to the pyshatrist. I knew that I had ADHD and I figured that I would be told “oh you have adhd here are some pills, try this and see what happens” I was so anti pills at this time in my life. I had been diagnosed as ADHD when I was younger, and I had become really good (or so I thought at compensating) for my ADHD by making myself focus, I had always known that I had ADHD and it was just something I had to deal with on a daily basis. I did not want to go back on medications, I knew what medications made me feel like; and I wasn’t going back to living like a zombie again. During the time that I was awaiting my appointment I spent lots of time researching and trying to figure out what I could do to cure my ADHD ( remember I didn’t believe I had anxiety at the time, I thought it was just ADHD getting worse) when I stumbled upon an article about not sleeping and ADHD. I thought hmm I really don’t sleep so maybe this article can help me. As I began to read the article it began to talk about how ADHD and anxiety are hand and hand and many people who suffer from ADHD also suffer from anxiety, mainly because with ADHD their mind moves so fast that they are constantly thinking about different scenarios and the thoughts are very flighty. I continued to research and ask my friends opinions, and they all had the same concencious, knowing me they knew I suffered from ADHD but they also thought it was more than that. I even asked one of the physicians at work if he thought it was okay to be medicated for ADHD and he said yes, especially in cases like mine. Fast forward to my appointment, I was an absolute wreck, I mean total mess. I felt like a weight was on my chest, I could barely swallow, my throat felt tight and my heart was racing. I was so scared of just walking in to my appointment. When I finally met my psychiatrist she sat down with me, and asked me a million questions, one of the questions she asked me was “do you feel anxious” I told her no. She then asked me if “I had ever had a panic attack” my response was “I’ve never had a panic attack like I’ve seen people have them in my practice as a nurse”, she laughed and started reading off symptoms, and I looked at her said “could I be having a panic attack right now” she said absolutely and began to read more symptoms off to me all of which I was exhibiting with out even knowing it. We continued to talk and formulate a plan, she wanted to try me on ADHD medication to see if maybe just maybe the anxiety was a result of the ADHD. She began writing dosages of medication to help me get to a dose that would work for me, I was to come back in 2 weeks and report the results. The first two weeks went okay, I did not like taking the medication, but I never felt zombie like, which was a plus because I knew if I did I would have stopped the medication immediately. So I go back to my check up, and she ask how things are and if I am still having panic attacks, and anxiety? I told her that once again I was having one just at the thought of going in to her office, and that I felt that my anxiety was getting worse. She then said lets try an as needed medication for anxiety. I went home, and picked up my medication and went home and took it before bed. The medication she had given me was like a big benadryl, so I figured what the heck It can’t be that bad. I took the pill and when I woke up, I felt something I had never felt before, I had actually gotten sleep, and I had like no anxiety when I woke up. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was on cloud 9. I thought this stuff really works, little did I know this was just the beginning in a long road of figuring out exactly what is wrong with me and what I can do to fix me. From this day on I have been on a quest to figure myself out and relearn everything I could possibly know about myself. I have had some good times and I have had some bad times, I have had some scary times and some joyous times. I have made some incredible realizations and advances in my life in just a short 3 month period so incredible that I want to share my story in hopes that it might help someone else who’s suffering and is either scared to get help, or someone who doesn’t know they are suffering and they want help. I am not perfect and I have failed at many things in life but I want to share this journey as a helper and a healer. I hope you will read and provide feedback and ideas that help you that you think might help me. much love. klr


Author: diaryofadallasgirl

Lifestyle Bloggin’, mama struggling with the teenage years, on my own personal journey to mental and physical health, while struggling with ADHD/Anxiety. Working every day to build myself stronger while building my empire one day at a time. Total shopaholic, world traveler, foodie, Texan, Aggie, nurse, foodie, lover of all things beautiful and empowering. 📍Dallas, TX 💌

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