Is it ever okay to stay in a relationship because it is comfortable? My personal thoughts are no, but then again there is so much history that I get why it is hard to leave said relationship. Families have been met and one of the parties is extremely liked by the others family, and then there is the history of being with this person that just makes it hard to cut the cord. When I sit back and think about these things I wonder is this really the person who is meant for me? The spark seems to have disappeared and it honestly feels like we are just going through the motions. Recently he moved 700 miles from me, and I thought that things would get better and we would be closer, but honestly we do nothing but fight. We don’t talk, every time I call him he is busy and we talk for thirty seven seconds or he does not answer. When we finally do get to talk things are so awkward that nothing gets said and it is like I am fighting for words to say because I haven’t talked to him in so long. I have tried being nice, and I have tried being extremely happy to talk to him, and to hear from him hoping that things would improve but it has been literally an entire month since we have seen each other and we do nothing continue the same cycle. I do deeply have feelings for him and I know that every single time that bring anything up to him he does make an effort to change things for a few days but then he gets distracted and things go back to the way they were.
I asked for us to have “phone dates” where we would set aside some time so that we could talk to each other uninterrupted, and every time he says it will happen it never does. The longest conversation we have had has been 14 min one night, and that was after I threw a fit about us not talking over a period of two to three days. Don’t get me wrong I did not write this post to bitch and complain, I started it so that I can get my feelings out and be as transparent as I can be. I go to see him in two weeks, and I am honestly scared that things are going to be so awkward that I will know for sure what my next step is either to stay or go. I really hate that things are ending up like this, but I do feel like him moving back to Georgia was for a reason and there is a good chance that it was to separate us because if he stayed here in Texas we would still be together and he just might not be the right person for me.
When it comes to relationships do you have a preconceived notion of what you want and what you should accept? I personally feel like I need to be needed, wanted and appreciated. I am extremely self-sufficient and independent but if I am driving home or if someone hasn’t heard from me it would be nice to have someone check on me and make sure that I am okay. I also want someone who is passionate about me, and who adores me so much, that they can’t get enough of me. I don’t want someone who gets tired of me, no matter how much of a pain in the ass I can be, and believe me I know I can be a pain in the ass. I know I am not easy to deal with all the time, I am a brat, and I always get my way, but I do think that there is someone out there that can and will put up with me and my quirks just like I will put up with theirs. I want someone who meshes well with my friends and family, someone who just fits right in, like a missing piece to my puzzle. I think it is important to have someone who takes interest in your day and your life is important, as well as someone who can’t go a day without talking to you is extremely important. I also want someone who matches what I bring to the table, I think I am a great catch and I have had a lot of success in my life, and I want someone who brings at least pretty close to what I bring to the table if not more. I know that I am probably asking a lot and at thirty five I am not getting any younger, but settling is not something that I really think I should do. Part of me is very torn because I want nothing more than to make things work in my current situation because it is comfortable, but I also feel like no matter how hard I try things just will not get better, he is not the person to realize what he has and he is so narcissistic that he doesn’t even realize or care that I am half way out the door. I am completely open to suggestions and I want to hear your feedback. Any thoughts you have are so very appreciated.