Have you ever just sat back and looked at the things you wanted more than anything in your life? Have you ever thought about the things that you did not get when you wanted them really badly only to find out a little bit later that what you got was better than what you originally wanted? I think everyone has experienced a least one moment like that in their life. As a woman I know I have been in relationships that I had hoped would progress, but when they ended for whatever reason, I was of course devastated but after a bit of time life got better than I could have ever imagined. This message is for all the ladies going through some shit right now, I have two really close friends, and myself going through relationship issues at this time. My issues are pretty much resolved, because I have chosen to move on, but I still have thoughts of “what if” from time to time. My ex boyfriend is still around for a small amount of things, which makes it hard to completely move on, but I have decided that it is the best thing for me. It does suck because he acts (sometimes) like he doesn’t want things to end, and then other times he acts as if he does not care. So when he comes ridding in on his white horse pretending to care, I try and shut it down, but I would be a liar if I said I did not question “could it be, is he really changing?” The truth is, no he is not going to change and I could let him back in fully, but in 2 weeks or less we will have the same problems, so why not use my disappointment as fuel and cut the ties and move on making myself happy. I built my own prison by allowing him in my life, and by allowing him to treat me as an option, If I would have shut that down in the beginning, one of two things would have happened. 1) He would respect me a lot more now than he currently does or 2) we would have never started dating to begin with, I don’t know which of the options would have happened, but I am not going to dwell on it. I am going to hold my head high and thank God for the lesson. Yes it is hard and I cannot promise that I won’t fail and let him back in another time, but I am closer to completely closing that chapter.
I have two friends who are both going through some deep stuff in their relationships. One is dating a guy who has a crazy ex girlfriend, I mean not your regular every day run of the mill crazy ex, this bitch is nuts. She spends most of her days facebook stalking the guy she was dating and his current girlfriend and their friends and family. My friend Jo as we will call her gets really upset and bothered by the ex girlfriends presence in her life. She has called the police, she has filed restraining orders she has done everything to try and rid herself of this girl. When we were talking about it, I simply told her “You have to decide what YOU want, don’t let your feelings for him decide. He brought this to you, and he doesn’t seem like he is trying to fix it, he might be the greatest guy in the world, but he chose her and he missed some red flags. You have to decide if you are Okay with her crazy for potentially the rest of your life if you are going to be with him, or are you going to end things with him, and find someone who doesn’t bring drama to the table”. Profoundly she said I know, Ive thought about both of these scenarios and I am not ready to make a decision yet. It is okay to not be ready to make the decision, but when it comes time to make the decision you have to be able to make it no matter how tough it is, you have to make the best decision for YOU and YOU alone.
My other friend Tiffany, she is going through a divorce and she started dating again after her husband left her. She met a guy and things happened really fast. Well this guy has a child with several other women (I think 3 to be exact) one of his baby mamas was out of town (supposedly) so he drove something like 20 miles to stay the night at his baby mamas house, so he could “let his dogs out”. It turned in to a big fight for Tiffany and him, he told her that he wasn’t going to be in a relationship with someone who questioned him helping his baby mama. I told her that since the relationship was new she needed to see the red flags and make her decision based on that. I told her it sounded like he was still trying or sleeping with his ex wife. She assured me that nothing was going on with him, which I get, a woman does not want to ever feel like they are being wronged, even when the evidence is right in their faces, believe me, I am just as guilty. Fast forward a few days, she gets messages on facebook from the boyfriends ex wife, he has been trying to get her back the entire time he has been dating Tiffany. What a creep. She finally had enough and ended things with him, but I know women and I am sure he will figure out how to weasel his way back in to her life at least one more time, because every piece of shit man does at some point.
This post turned in to a relationship post when that was not the original goal, but either way, everything happens for a reason, you either grow from it, or don’t. Ladies, stay strong, I will try so hard to stay strong because as much as I want a guy, I am not willing to sacrifice myself or the chance to date the right guy by running back to the wrong one. Heads and chins up, we can do this girls!