My anxiety is at an all time high right at this moment. I am extremely nervous about my trip to Georgia. I have so many thoughts running through my mind, lots of excitement which is good but with that excitement there is also worry. I woke up at 3 am because I just couldn’t sleep any longer, and I’ve laid in bed scrolling Instagram, Facebook, my bank account, you name it trying to distract myself enough to sleep and it’s not happening. So I decided to write this blog in hopes that getting it out and down will help me get some kind of sleep.
I don’t travel alone very often, so I am a little worried about that, I know I will be okay because I’ve traveled a million miles in much more stressful situations usually with a child in tow, but this trip signifies a lot for me and I think that’s why I am anxious.
I am going to Georgia to my good friend Azia’s baby shower; I am so excited to see her, and being the perfectionist I am haven’t ordered her present yet, so I’m laying here in bed obsessing over the perfect gift. I have an alternative “for the shower” gift in mind that I’ve already decided that I’ll leave work and go pick up, but then that turned in to if I’m out what am I picking up for lunch for the girls in the office? Do you see how the thoughts spiral?
Normally when I am relaxed and my meds are working, I don’t have the spiraling racing thoughts, I’m pretty even and well organized with my thoughts and I’m able to think much more clearly. I am seeing that writing this blog is helping to calm my thoughts because I’m having to focus on exactly what I want to write.
Another source of anxiety on this trip is the guy I’ve been seeing, yeah the one that I wrote all those post about. Well things are complicated I guess you could say, after going nearly two weeks with minimal contact he has made an effort over the last little bit, I’ve tried not to jump in head first thinking that everything is going to be okay but I’ve also tried to be as positive as I can and as understanding as I can about this whole situation. I realize that us fighting didn’t make him exactly WANT to talk to me, but I also on the other hand believe that this thing takes two and it’s his job to make me feel assured when I’m upset about something. I’m not expecting perfection, and I’m not expecting my ass to be kissed all the time, but I do expect some effort, and he has given me that over the past little bit. With that being said we will see where things go from here. I don’t know, hopefully they work themselves out like they tend to do, and we can continue to move onward and upward. I also am kinda planning on sharing my blog with him this weekend so he can see where my thoughts are and hopefully we can sit down and hash all of this out.
Lastly and probably my smallest anxiety causing thought is money, hell tell me one person who doesn’t have anxiety when it comes to money. I know I will be fine and I have enough money to travel and enjoy my time, but payday isn’t until Tuesday of next week and it makes me anxious to possibly bring my bank account lower than a number I’m comfortable bring it to. When I say I obsess about money, I obsess about it. I am constantly calculating exactly how much I have and how much I spend, and how much I have outstanding. Why I do this? I do not know, I guess it comes from a time in my life when I was flat broke, I mean BROKE.
I keep telling myself it will all be okay and it will all work out , which it always does but I just can’t seem to quiet my thoughts tonight. I have to be out of bed in at least an hour and I’m still just wide awake. I do feel much more relaxed after writing this down, and thinking it all out clearly, but I still wonder what I’m picking up for the girls and I for lunch? Haha!
I can’t wait to share my trip and I am sure I’ll write an update to this post where I say oh all the worry was for nothing, but I had to address it now and get it out so that I can hopefully find some sleep.
Check out my Instagram for trip pictures and updates❤️
Lifestyle Bloggin’, mama struggling with the teenage years, on my own personal journey to mental and physical health, while struggling with ADHD/Anxiety. Working every day to build myself stronger while building my empire one day at a time. Total shopaholic, world traveler, foodie, Texan, Aggie, nurse, foodie, lover of all things beautiful and empowering.
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